Recently I attended a seminar on Internet Safety and Your Child, presented by Sergeant Joseph Bermudez, Miami Dade Police Department, Supervisor, Crime Prevention Squad. Sergeant Bermudez formerly served in the US Army and is an 18 year veteran of the police department.

Sergeant Bermudez is a personable and dynamic speaker and presented the material in a non-technical manner to help unsophisticated adults understand the dangers of the Internet. This presentation was for parents only, although he does provide workshops for students.

Sergeant Bermudez said that the Internet can be a “valuable tool for your child and student and it has many benefits.”  As most people know, you child may utilize: search engines, Web sites, Chat Rooms, E-Mail, News groups, forums, bulletin boards, and instant messaging to quickly gain access to information they may need. The Internet can be a valuable tool to help students explore interests, meet other people and share information at their fingertips.

But the Internet can also be dangerous! Your student may encounter: sexual material, sexual predators, alcohol and drug sales, gambling sites, bullying, violence, hate and intolerance directed at them and others.

Sergeant Bermudez said that these dangers are prevalent on the Internet because:

• There is anonymity on the net — Both sides are not identified.
• Kids feel safe. It is easy to initiate contact. Kids believe they are chatting with other kids.
• Predators have a vast number of children as potential victims. (The Internet has billions of users.)
• Predators are sophisticated and smart. It is easy to gather information from and about your youth.
• It is easy to lure and victimize your kid through common interests.
• The Internet is free.

Sergeant Bermudez listed the profile of a “perfect victim” for predators.

Please read the list carefully. Determine the number of risk factors your child may possess.

The top risk factors are:

• Age 11 to 14.
• Little or no parent involvement or supervision.
• No definite bed time. The child is on the Internet frequently after hours.
• No family rules. Parent can be away from home leaving a child without accountability or supervision.
• Student has exclusive use of a computer in private setting.

Predators use a calculated process

Make no mistakes about it sexual predators are smart and sophisticated in their luring practices. If your child is unaware of the process they are potential prey. Predators go through a calculated process to lure your sons and daughters.

Predators start with a “Grooming process.” This is a systematic process to flirt, be cute and lurk. The purpose is to gain an opportunity to send porn and watch for the child’s reaction. If this first step is taken without strong objection the next step is to move the student to a private chat room. When alone in the chat room a deliberate process of information gathering is started mixed with pictures or subtle discussion of explicit sexual material.

The next step is “repeated contact.” Effort is made to get the child’s telephone number or personal contact information. Contact then becomes sexually explicit. From this point forward a strong effort is made to contact the child and establish control over the minor.

Step Three: The predator attempts to arrange a meeting in a place that appears public but is not. (a mall parking lot, a public park, a library, etc.) The predator attempts to play on the child’s weakness, and make the child feel comfortable. The victim is lead to believe that the meeting is private, safe and confidential but the intent of the predator is sexual battery.

Not a pretty scenario is it!

Parental Supervision is the key!

Parents must “parent.” Be there for your children. Share your values, set rules and standards and have open discussions. Teach your kids to look critically at their own Internet activity and to use a keen eye for their safety and protection. Establish time limits. You can justify limits by the any means necessary. Try to get your kids to stop using the phrase, “It doesn’t matter.” Everything matters. This matters.

Follow the following safety tips.

Place your child’s computer in a central location in the home. Learn about the people who (and why) your children maybe communicating with. Become familiar with search engines, browsers and software used by your kids. Know how to review search history and when and where history was deleted.

Do not rely on a system, software or other people to filter information your child sees or comes into contact with. Be proactive when protecting your kids. Advise your children that if they are sexually solicited to tell you, and you promise not to freak out. Then don’t freak out.

Be aware of computer restrictions or lack thereof at other locations: school, library, friend’s homes, cell phones, I-Pods, etc. If your son or daughter says parents will be at their friend’s home…check. Go over. Yes it is alright.

LOOK FOR WARNING SIGNS LIKE A CHANGE IN YOUR STUDENT’S BEHAVIOR.

Your student’s personal security and safety is a MUST.

Tell your child never to:

• Give our personal information over the Internet. Never arrange personal meetings, especially alone.
• Never respond to offensive or explicit sexual messages.
• Teach them to report any message that is sexual or harassing in nature.

Suggestions for parents, teachers, and mentors.

Use parental controls on all software, computers and browsers.  Set up bookmarks. Review your student’s history or logs. Search beyond his home page. Check their use of public computers. Use computers together with your child.

To start:

Learn the Top 20 Internet acronyms every parent needs to know. They are listed below for your convenience. To you, your child may be communicating in a new and foreign language, it is necessary to learn the language if you are to monitor their behavior. You might be shocked to learn what some of the acronyms mean.

Top 20 Internet Acronyms Every Parent Needs to Know:

POS – Parent Over Shoulder

PIR – Parent In Room

P911 –Parent Alert

PAW—Parents Are Watching

PAL – Parents Are Listening

ASL – Age/Sex/Location

MorF –Male or Female

SorG – Straight or Gay

LMIRL – Lets Meet in Real Life

KPC – Keeping Parents Clueless

TDTM – Talk Dirty To Me

IWSN – I Want Sex Now
NIFOC – Nude In Front Of Computer
GYPO – Get Your Pants Off
ADR or addy — Address

WYCM – Will You Call Me
KFY – Kiss For You
MOOS –Member(s) Of the Opposite Sex

MOSS or MOTSS – Member(s) Of the Same Sex

NALOPKT – Not A Lot Of People Know That

Teen-Favored Acronyms:

A/S/L – Age, Sex, Location

BF/GF – Boyfriend, Girlfriend

BRB – Be Right Back

CD9—Code 9, means parents around

GNOC – Get Naked on Cam (Webcam)

G2G – Got to go

IDK – I Don’t Know

(L)MIRL – (Lets) Meet in Real Life

LOL – Laugh out Loud

MorF –Male or Female

MOS – Mom Over Shoulder

NIFOC — Nude In Front Of Computer

NooB – Often an insult to somebody who doesn’t know much about something

NMU – Not Much, You?

P911 – Parent Emergency

PAW—Parents Are Watching

PIR – Parent In Room

POS – Parent Over Shoulder

PRON – Porn

PRW – Parents are watching

S2R – Send to receive (pictures)

TDTM – Talk Dirty To Me

Warez – Pirated software

W/E — Whatever

Read the following Internet Safety Resource list provided by the Miami-Dade Police Department Crime Prevention Squad. The web sites for Data mining are an asset to determine the locations on the internet your student visits.

Internet Safety Hardware is designed to limit your student’s access to certain web sites. Remember however that your kids probably have access to many other computers and cell phones.

Websites for Online Safety

• www.netsmartz.org
• www.isafe.org
• www.necmec.org
• www.cybertipline.com
• www.bytecrime.org
• www.childrenseducationalnetwork.com

Websites for Data Mining

• www.google.com
• www.ask.com
• www.yahoo.com
• www.msn.com
• www.alltheweb.com
• www.facebook.com
• www.myspace.com

Internet Safety Software

• Spector Pro
• Netnanny
• CYBERsitter
• CyberPatrol
• Cyber Snoop
• Cyber Sentinel
• SafeKeeper
• Child Safe

Cyber Crimes Toll-Free Tip Line

1800-843-5678

Contact Information: Sergeant Joseph Bermudez — Miami-Dade Police Department—Community and Intergovernmental Affairs Bureau Crime Prevention Squad –9105 NW 25^th Street, Rm 1044 Doral, FL 33172 – 305-471-1745

Email: JBermudez@mdpd.com

The service provided by Sergeant Bermudez is must see material by every parent. My experience is that the Internet is a cesspool of miss-information, half truths and downright lies. I ask you, how many emails do you check to determine if the information you receive is accurate or factual.  I verify my e-mails and almost 80% of forwarded e-mail I receive are not true, nor accurate, nor useful. In fact most are garbage and a waste of time.

I use www.Snopes.com, www.TruthorFiction.com and www.FactCheck.com to verify the information in the emails I receive. You might try these yourself before you forward mail.

The Internet can be an exiting tool to help your child achieve but it can also be is a dangerous place for our kids. Sergeant Bermudez has taught us how dangerous it can be and what can be done to protect our kids.

Parents your job is to parent. This means to lead, be out front, pre-empting problems and issues. Parents are the CEO’s of the family. Do everything you can to protect and defend your kids. If necessary prohibit your kid from the internet for a period of time. This will get their attention and show them that you mean business.

Please do not mistake being a “nice parent” for being an “effective parent.

Take the necessary hard steps to protect your child.

Be a Parent!

Your thoughtful comments as usual are appreciated.

Dr. John Morgan

Several days ago I attended a seminar at Baptist Hospital, Miami, Florida. The workshop, entitled Raising Boys, was conducted by Gary X. Lancelotta PhD. and is part of the Parenting Educational Series.  Dr. Lancelotta was presenting on behalf of and represents the Child Psychology Associates of Miami.

Dr. Lancelotta is a charismatic speaker with a warm and caring demeanor. He kept the audience captivated by telling personal stories about raising his own son and also about his own upbringing.  He was raised in a dynamic family with a brother and five sisters. As you can imagine his stories were both funny and enlightening.

Among the many important child raising tips and boy specific strategies he discussed and the most important for parents to remember included:

• There is no one-way to parent.
• Be consistent, set structure and establish a foundation of accepted conduct.
• Boys need male role models.
• Single woman parents need to find a positive male role model for their boys.
• Parents are powerful influences on their children.
• Becoming a “real man” is about developing character.

In his discussion on raising boys, Dr Lancelotta said parents should stand for: values, standards, and rules, and then parents should monitor and impose limits.

Values: Kids need to now where parents stand on all types of media. To include, TV, video game violence, computer activities, Texting, Cell-phone use, etc.

Set Standards and Rules: Tell your child who is and what types of activities are allowed in your home.

Monitor and Check on your kids: Their friends, activities, games, video activities, use of electronic devices. Yes, it is your job. No you are not spying…you are parenting.

Set limits:

• Teach your kids the importance of delayed gratification.
• Teach your kids how to handle disappointments, frustration and anger.
• Teach your kids that there are costs and consequences to their activities. Yes, what they do matters.

Parents should not be afraid to get evolved in societal or tough issues:

• Sex education.
• Your child’s friends.
• Talk to your children and talk to their friends.

Parents should set up a positive home environment to:

• Counteract the negative forces of violence in, TV, films, video games, sports, society, etc.

The bottom line is parents need to understand and monitor the influence that the entertainment media has on their boys behavior to include unhealthy stereotypical behavior, violence, disrespect for woman and girls, aggression in sports, and the media’s role in forming cultural attitudes.

Dr. Lancelotta warned that a new phenomenon is being seen in children called “screen or media (video) addiction” and for parent’s to be watchful.

He recommends the following for parent resources:

Books:

Raising Boys, by Steve Biddulph, www.tenspeed.com

Raising Confident Boys, by Elizabeth Hartley-Brewer, www.dacapopress.com

The Everything Parent’s Guide to Raising Boys, by Cheryl L. Erwin, www.adamsmedia.com

Websites and Videos:

www.allinfoaboutraisingboys.com

Tough Guise / Media Education Foundation www.mediaed.org

Raising Cain: Exploring the Inner Lives of America’s Boys / PBS Home Video  www.pbs.org

An extensive annotated bibliography is available from MediaScope.

Dr. Lancelotta’s seminar was sponsored by a very prestigious teaching hospital and I can see why. His presentation was excellent, and the information important and timely. Contact information for Dr. Gary X. Lancelotta is below.

Dr. Gary X. Lancelotta

7301 SW 57 Ct, Suite 555,

South Miami, Florida, 33143

305 668 7988

GXLancelot@aol.com

Your thoughtful comments about raising boys and girls, as always are appreciated.

Dr. John Morgan

Socrates said “It is not living that matters, but living rightly.”

Miami Dolphin middle linebacker Zach Thomas retired today. He was a self described “slow, too short guy from a small town in Texas.”  But he was great guy, loved to play football and all he needed was a chance.

What did he accomplish with that chance? He earned seven Pro Bowl selections; five times he made the All-pro first team. For ten seasons he led the Dolphin defense in tackles; he was the team MVP twice and won the team’s leadership award three times.

Greg Cote of the Miami Herald said, “It takes more than talent, to make you a thoroughly respected, admired and even beloved figure with fans. Thomas is all of that plus more.”

In the beginning, Thomas, who was drafted late in the fifth round out of Texas Tech, had anxiety about not making the team. It was partly the insecurities that made him the player he was.  He constantly had to “out work” and “out want” the other guys that were bigger, faster and more naturally gifted.

Thomas said in his retirement speech that he cherished every moment he played. Even when he was sore and tired he resisted the mentality of wishing that he wasn’t playing football.  He said “he kept reminding himself of the many people that would have gladly changed places with him.”

Congratulations and best wishes to Zach Thomas and his family.  Greg Cote said it best, “He was the little guy who could, the embodiment of the blue collar man who came to work with a lunch pale and a hammer and built himself a career on effort and sweat.”

Pundits are already saying that Zach Thomas may not make it into the NFL Football Hall of Fame. But in twelve outstanding years with the Dolphins (fourteen total in the NFL) he never once embarrassed the team. His record on and off the field was clean. He is a role model to thousands men, women, kids and to all who know him.

When he was asked about his future and the hall of fame, he laughed and said that he will pour his time and energy into being a better “family man, husband and father” and then pointed to his family.

In five years sportswriters will have a chance to select a great player, and a good man, Zach Thomas, into the Football Hall of Fame. Maybe, five years from now, a player who possesses character, integrity, honor and respectability as well as football talent may be welcomed into Canton.

Maybe not, maybe nothing will change, and we will still be talking about the same story we all know too well.

Your comments are always welcome.

If you like this blog sign up for the RSS feed below.

Dr. John Morgan

The NFL needs a real, visionary leader.  It needs a leader that will make decisions, solve problems and show the way. Someone that will get out front, motivate and inspire people to achieve tasks and goals they normally would not achieve.

Yes, the NFL has a conduct problem. Yes, this type of personal behavior modification is difficult.  But, leaders are not afraid of difficult challenges. They are not afraid of changing the mindset of a person, organization or an entire league.

Leaders pre-empt problems, and as you said Commissioner Goodell is reacting to a problem.  Let me come to the defense of Commissioner Goodell and the NFL and offer a simple solution.

There are several factors that make his job, and a fair and balanced solution extremely difficult. Because many athletes come from socio-economic, culturally disenfranchised neighborhoods. Often professional sports represent their only chance at economic success.

Sports executives and coaches are fearful of establishing standards that might seem to the under privileged sports fan, or to the political or social ideologue as too harsh, or restrictive.

However, behavioral problems start in High School or earlier.  When athletes begin to show their talent they are spoiled, cuddled and develop a false sense of entitlement and infallibility. If and when they get to College the situation may be worse.

Sports programs are about winning and college coaches and university administrators go to great lengths to protect their star players. Developing their character and integrity are taking a backseat to developing their 40-yard dash speed or their bench press.

Therefore, if drafting a quality person as well as an athletes is really the goal of professional sports, then standards of conduct and behavior must be established in order and before athletes qualify for the draft.

For instance

• Set a policy that players must qualify for the NFL draft.

For example: To qualify, college athletes must not have a criminal record, be drug free, and behavioral problem free for 3 years prior to the draft. If college players violate the rule they are restricted from the draft for 3 years.

The idea is to draft quality college players with character and integrity.

When college players understand that they must meet those standards to be drafted they will work hard to meet those standards, just like they work on speed, conditioning and strength drills.

• Troubled players, with criminal backgrounds or troubled pasts that fail to qualify for the draft, must then demonstrate a subsequent 3 year history of trouble free conduct before they qualify.

The goal would be to give athletes the opportunity to demonstrate that their behavior has improved and was now up to standards.

Promises that their behavior will improve will not meet standards.

For instance the NFL might say to a questionable player, go play in the Canadian Football League, demonstrate that you can stay drug and trouble free for 3 years and then you might qualify for the big time. In other words prove to us by your behavior, and your adherence to high standards that you deserve to be in the big league with other outstanding players.

• Active NFL players will and should have a comprehensive code of conduct with stringent penalties for non-compliance.

Whether they like it or not, these athletes are role models to young people, especially to those young people without a support system or role model at home, school or church.

It is also difficult for the average parent, teacher, coach or mentor to compete with a Porsche driving, “bling” wearing, partying, undisciplined, high profile athlete who seems to be on the top of the world when the rest of us are square.

By the way, lets watch the Tim Tebow story play out. The Denver Broncos drafted him in the first round. We should respect the young man for trying to live a life of high standards and good conduct. We should not make fun of him, nor attack him or his family and then wait with anticipation for him to fail in some way. Nor should we respond with glee if he does.

Dr. John Morgan

Jerry Brainum, in the April 2010 IRONMAN Magazine writes about Anabolic Steroids and the Skin, a troubling issue for teens and bound to get your and their attention. Mr. Brainum is an exercise and nutrition researcher and has been a respected sports journalist for more than 25 years.

Mr. Brainum writes that medical research and literature points to medical abnormalities such as liver and cardiovascular problems in athletes that use anabolic steroids. But the more common problems, and the ones that are bound to get yours and your teens attention are: Premature male pattern baldness in men and woman, excessive stretch marks, and severe acne.

Less hair on top, weird body hair and more zits, yikes! Just what your teen wants!

Bald and bad skin is a bad combo for me, not to mention a teen.

In a study of power lifters cited by Mr. Brainum:

• 53% had acne
• 47% had increased body hair
• 27% had a higher incidence of oily skin
• 20% had a loss of scalp hair

Worse, the type of steroid related acne does not always respond to routine medical treatment if athletes continue to utilize steroids. Steroids can also worsen skin pathologies.

The stretch marks associated with steroid use, usually show up in the neck, chest, shoulders and upper arms.  This is also not good for teens that fixate on their looks.

Teens and other athletes that inject steroids under less than sterile conditions can often get bacterial and sterile abscesses, particularly in the gluteus (the rear end) the study said.

My comments: Sports pharmacology is serious business conducted by an underground community of unscrupulous coaches, trainers, authors, competitors, medical doctors, drug dealers, and self-proclaimed experts. Additionally, your teenager will probably buy some form of crap that may have no relation to steroids, from some “self-proclaimed expert” (read: uneducated, high school drop out, gang-banger, gym-rat, sleaze bag)

Furthermore, rampant steroid abuse has given rise to an industry to mask the evidence of steroids.   A whole industry was built just to fool the drug tests.  This means your teen athlete, who by the way knows about this shady underground industry, will need to take more drugs to hide the evidence of steroids in his (her) blood. Not good.

Well, how do you fix the problem?
How do you recognize steroid use or abuse?
What can you do to protect your teen?
How do you talk to your ambitious teen athlete?

Gather information:

Start by monitoring your teen’s physical condition for rapid strength or size changes and watch for aggressive mood swings. Twenty pounds of weight gain over a summer may not be a troubling sign.  But, when mixed with explosive acne or hair loss along with the symptoms listed above may be an indication of steroid use.  Years ago a teenage family friend blew up to 290lbs. Yes, 290 lbs. He suffered from mood swings and body image issues. Today as a successful executive he still has trouble controlling his weight.

Learn more:

Check out your teen’s sport, their coaches, and the goals of the athletic program.

Check to determine if the sport they are playing has prevalent steroid use. You would be surprised at the sports that have rampant doping and drug use.  There are rumors that steroids have tarnished golf’s most honored and respected winner. Yes even golf. Ever heard of blood doping? You better believe your teen has! Ask them.

It is also a good idea to pay close attention to the philosophy of the school athletic program or team your teen plays on.  Especially be watchful of an over ambitious coaching staff. Visit the team weight room or practice unannounced and just observe.

It would be good to determine if the sport they engage in is subject to drug testing and learn the drug policies of the school, conference and/or the state sports governing organization. As a parent YOU should know the legal consequences or suspension (or banning) practices for engaging in steroids, even if your teen does not. Remember steroids are a controlled substance and as such are against the law.

Talk to a medical doctor that specializes in sports medicine. The doctor should provide you with information. Search the web or visit your local library. The effort in research and planning is worth your time. The more you know about steroids the easier it becomes to open a meaningful dislodge with your teen.

But how do you combat or even begin to discuss a problem when your teen might be in, or is in, the “stupid, stubborn, arrogant, know-it-all,” time of life and has a hard time listening to rational thought, especially from “uncool” parents?

Try a guided discussion:

Engage your teen in subtle guided discussions about competition, cheating, and steroids.

Subtle guided discussions are a counseling tool for you to use to seek information, engage in thoughtful discussion and to lead your teen to introspected thought and hopefully to honorable conclusions.

Engage your teen in subtle guided discussions about the dangers of steroid use. Do not lecture or preach but try to make the conversation fun. Try to determine your teen’s competitive need to succeed or win in the sport. Try to determine if your teen would do anything or everything (even cheat) to win.

Ask non-threatening questions about your teens training routine such as the amount of time spent in the weight room and the specific diet/supplementation requirements of their sport. Learn about their sport and their heroes by name. Learn what is required in training time to become a champion. Show a genuine interest in their sport and their life.

Discuss sports heroes that were caught cheating with steroids (especially in their sport) and ask their opinion.

Questions such as: “Mark McGuire is trying to rehabilitate his image and is coming back to baseball, what do you think of that?”  Then perhaps, “McGuire is really paying a hefty price for his indiscretion, do you think that is fair?” “Was his fame worth the public humiliation?”  “Do you think he should get in the Baseball Hall of Fame?”

Try to spend most of your time listening to the responses.

Your teen probably will not listen to important medical information you provide about the dangers of steroids unless you are very subtle in your approach. Instead, talk about baldness and facial scaring from acne; that might get their attention. Always remain cool and in charge of your demeanor and thus the discussion. If your teen does not wish to engage in the conversation, subtly move to another.

Invite their attention to articles like the one written by Mr. Brainum and other reputable experts. Ask them to explain the issues importance or lack of.  Do not debate or argue with their comments. These are subtle guided discussions remember…not arguments. Be a good leader and be a parent your teen can talk to. Yes even about steroids.

Talk to and observe your teen’s friends:

Learn as much as you can about your teen’s life, their interests, music, video games, x-box stuff, clothes, bad teachers, gangs or bullies, just as you would learn about your best friend. You can learn a lot by quietly observing and listening to their friends. Even try to engage in their sport. For instance, you might be surprised at the skill and practice skate boarding or other X-sports require. When you speak to your teen’s friends ALWAYS do so in a friendly non-threatening manner. Show that you care and have an interest in their problems and their future. Remember do not lecture.

Worst case scenario:

If you suspect that your teen is using anabolic steroids and he (she) will not quit, have him (her) monitored by the family physician. Not the best solution, we agree but at least it keeps you and your teen in the health loop. It might save your teens hair and prevent severe acne scars that remain for life. It also might keep your teen from being banned from the sport for life or worse…going to jail. Remember too, that steroids are expensive so your teen may become a “pusher” to afford the drugs, Dealers get long jail sentences.

Everything in life has a price.

Your thoughtful comments or your horror stories are appreciated.

Dr. John Morgan

Saints Coach Sean Payton and lessons in leadership

Indianapolis Colts Management are you listening?

On Wednesday, Dec. 30th 2009, I posted a blog, Gutless Indianapolis Colts coaching staff means they will not go down in history.  Well, a lot has happened since then.

In Monday’s Miami Herald, Jeff Darlington writes, “The Saints became Super Bowl Champions because of a calculating quarterback, a risk taking coach and a team’s faith that did not waiver.” Drew Brees is quoted as saying this about his coach, “Not only is he an aggressive play caller, a confident play caller, but he’s a guy that can instill all those qualities in his players.” My words: That’s what leadership is all about.

This is not to say that the Colts players didn’t give the game every ounce of effort, because I’m sure they had.  As a matter of fact I know they did.  Surely the Indianapolis sportswriters will second-guess the coach’s decisions well into next season. This second-guessing may prove beneficial to the organization, maybe it will not.

I say it probably will not because my thoughts go back to the regular season and to the decision to rest players when the Colts had a chance at destiny, to go undefeated entering the Super Bowl. The Colt’s executive and coaching staff chose to play it safe.  It was considered a “smart football decision” and thus they decided to defeat themselves, to quit, and not to strive to become the greatest NFL football team and thus the greatest Super Bowl Champions ever. Well, the Colts got their wish. They are the most rested, injury-free, second greatest, not Super Bowl champions.

When the decision to sit players was made, so went the Super Bowl.  The Colts organization demonstrated a lack of need and commitment to be the best. Not good! These types of “committee” decisions must be washed away from the Colt’s organization if they are to recover to become champions again. The organizations will, their non-aggressive attitude, and their leadership skills must improve if they are to become champions. If not, they are destined to become what they desired by sitting their players…a safe and mediocre, second place team.

Am I being tough on the Colts organization? You bet. But what do we tell our kids? “OK little Johnny, strive to be the best, but only if it’s not too hard. If you get tired or afraid or if your goal is stressful play it safe.”  It’s Okay to phone it in, Lil Stewie.

Is that what we teach our kids about striving to be the best?

I’ll bet they aren’t saying that to the kids in New Orleans!

As usual your thoughtful comments are welcome.

Dr. John Morgan

Today, in the 2010 Gator Bowl, the West Virginia University played Florida State University.  It was the last game for the great, FSU, 80 year old, Coach Bobby Bowden.

Earlier in his career, Bowden spent 10 years coaching at West Virginia University. His children attended college there.  He is deeply loved and respected by both the people and the fans in West Virginia.

In 1970, WVU Coach Bill Stewart played there as a linebacker under Bowden for a year.  Stewart said that he is honored to be the last coach to compete against the legend.

Today, Coach Stewart and his team played their hearts out to win. Even though the sentimental favorite was Coach Bowden and that many fans, including me, hoped that Bowden could be victorious in his last game, Coach Stewart simply said…OK, Earn it.

WVU Coach Stewart didn’t back down or call off his team. Out of respect for Coach Bobby Bowden and for the game, he did the opposite. He went after the FSU Seminoles full bore.

Good for you Coach Stewart and your leadership. You and your team are to be commended for your values and your integrity. In the end, WVU came up short and FSU did win the game. But, they won it with hard work and teamwork.

WVU played tough until the very end of the game.  They left all their effort on the field.  They didn’t protect first team players or seniors for next year. They did not give the victory to Bowden and FSU.

WVU displayed a great desire to win.  Thanks for a tremendous ball game.  Your effort and character prove that you are also true champions.

I guess that is the difference between watching a real football game and a simple business transaction.

Your comments are welcome.

Dr. John Morgan PhD.

Gutless Indianapolis Colts coaching staff means they will not go down in history

“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.”

Thomas Edison

The Indianapolis Colts had a chance at destiny, to become an unbeaten team and maybe to win a Super Bowl.  They had an opportunity to become one of the greatest teams in NFL history. But the leadership and coaching staff chose to quit, to self-destruct and to ultimately fail. The coaches chose to sit their best players, the result a loss to the New York Jets.

The executives and coaches actively chose not to become un-beaten. They chose not to go down in history with their honor and integrity intact. Instead, they chose to play it safe, quit and rest their star players.  In doing so they left their courage, honor and thus their chance at destiny back in the locker room.

Some will say that their conduct was smart football by savvy executives. Some will say the coaches were protecting their All-Pro quarterback from injury. Some will say they were resting for the playoffs. I say, hogwash!!!

Leadership is being out front showing the way. It is to motivate and inspire people to achieve goals that mere mortals fear. It is accomplishing impossible tasks and beating unbeatable foes.  Leadership is having what it takes to attack your one chance at destiny with courage, valor and integrity. It is not celebrating, taking a break or drinking a cappuccino because you are almost perfect.

What the executives at the Indianapolis Colts demonstrated was “management” at it’s very worse.  What happened was certainly not an example of effective or meaningful leadership.  Can you imagine the Colt managers telling Vince Lombardi, or Don Shula to rest players on their way to a championship, or perhaps, a perfect season?

Imagine the carnage left behind after they had made that kind of suggestions to Lombardi or Shula.  The executive offices would have been littered with the bodies of the attorneys, accountants, managers, administrators, and facilitators that dared to make that suggestion.

Yes, maybe time will tell that the decision by the Colts was smart football.  But, in the meantime the Colts may become just one of many teams to win the Super Bowl.  They will not be special, they will not be the greatest. They may just be another team in a long line of forgotten champions.

One shot at destiny destroyed from within, by the very organization and people that simply do not understand the leadership, courage, and tenacity required to be the best of all time.

Oh, a special note to Colt managers and coaches. I’m on my way to Starbuck’s for a skim, half-caff, vanilla latte.  Bring your latest management book and let’s have a swell discussion on administering and facilitating people, committees and the decision making process. Bring a sweater or a light jacket; sometimes it gets chilly down here in south Florida.

Your comments are welcomed.

John Morgan, PhD

Should we care about Tiger Woods?

So, Tiger Woods confessed to transgressions (read infidelity and adultery) in his marriage. So he betrayed his wife, he lied, cheated and broke his commitment to her and repeated this conduct with different women.  It would seem that his actions were not a “mistake” but a calculated, planned and managed activity over many months.

What was he thinking?

Perhaps to him it was no more serious than buying himself a little fun, a new girlfriend or two, it’s just like getting a new car or boat, right.  Perhaps he is viewed as a stud and a hero to be envied by regular men that can only fantasize what it must be like to live a life similar to Tiger Woods.  Like the name of Tiger’s 200-foot yacht “Privacy,” should we just forget the story and give him his privacy?

But what do we tell our children who are fans of and look up to Tiger?

How do we teach them character, virtue and other lofty traits? How do we teach our kids basic ethics, and moral behavior? How do we teach them to resist negative behavior and to control their feelings and emotions?  No, we are not trying to be the moral police or preach, but how do you explain to your twelve-year-old son what has happened to his hero?  Do we say, “See Tiger got caught!” Is that all there is to this life lesson, getting caught? Or, is it just like the Las Vegas commercial? “What happens in Tiger’s bedroom stays in the bedroom.”

My comments

At least Tiger gave us a topic to discuss with our kids.  At this moment, he is trying to rectify his behavior with his family.  He needs his wife’s forgiveness, as much as he needs ours.  However all these guys must realize, Tiger, Alex Rodriguez, Terrell Owens, Ray Lewis, and others, whether you believe it or not, whether you measure up to the responsibility or not, you are role models to our children.  Is it time for the sports community, the writers and the commentators to hold our sports heroes accountable for their behavior?  Or, is the Tiger story no big deal and just another sports story without social importance?

Your comments are welcome.
John Morgan, PhD

I posted a simple question on the forum. Follow the link just below.
Would it be worse/better if Tiger were caught cheating at the Masters?

Are discipline, responsibility, and accountability lost concepts in the NFL?

After the teams 3 wins, 6 loses start, the Buffalo Bills Football team announced it has fired Head Coach Dick Jauron. His record since being hired is 24 wins and 33 loses.

As their replacement to Coach Jauron, the Bills hired team defensive co-coordinator, Perry Fewell. Coach Fewell does not have head coaching experience, on any level.

If you don’t know, since the end of the 2000 season, the Bill’s have hired and fired 4 head coaches.

Commentary:
Hey, Bill’s front office!

Do you guys see anything wrong with this picture?
How can you wonder why or how this is happening to your organization?
Do you have a disciplined process in place to select key people?
Is this operation run by knee jerk reaction?

Apparently, the problem starts at the top. Judging by the undisciplined approach to picking a head coach, it seems there is little discipline in your organization at the highest levels. Looking at your previous four choices, it seems you are selecting the first person available.

What about it Mr. Russ Brandon? Are you not the guy responsible and accountable for these decisions? Are you not the GM?

Well, this decision sounds like a snap, knee jerk reaction to fire Coach Jauron and a worse knee jerk decision to select Coach Fewell.

We hope Coach Fewell great success but Mr. Brandon you have some accounting to do regarding your leadership, organizational and management skills.

For heavens sake why not pick your doctor or your attorney to run the team…they do not have any head coaching experience either.

Dr. John

Tell us how you feel…
p.s. I will post this question on the forum also.

Follow the link below to the forum.
Who’s next to be hired or fired in the NFL?