Recently I had the privilege to present at the 2^nd Annual Youth Empowerment Mini Summit of the National Achievers Society, South Florida Center of Excellence, at Florida International University. The workshops were designed to empower youth and parents to become self advocates for leadership, accountability and good practices.

The Miami Achievers Parents Association is the support group for the National Achievers Society, which is a pre-college honors program for minority students with high academic performance and background. The purpose is to encourage students to excel both academically and culturally while offering an alternative to athletic rewards.

Among the parents responsibilities are to attend monthly meetings, attend all organized meetings, encourage students to attend tutoring sessions, and to volunteer their particular skills to the parent association.

The topic of my presentation was entitled, The Warrior’s Mentality for Success, and was presented in three different sessions to students four through six grades, seven through nine and ten through twelve grades.

Below is a very brief summary of the lesson of the Warrior. The complete lesson was taken from Rick Morgan’s book, The Youth Sports Leadership Development Manual.   The complete manual is available for sale on this website and on Amazon.

Summary

You must seek, acquire and develop singularity of purpose and clarity of vision.

As a teacher, parent, coach or mentor your greatest challenge is to help develop the students’ singularity of purpose and clarity of vision.

In order to have a Warrior’s Mentality students must develop the need, the will and the commitment to achieve their vision or purpose.

Four aspects comprise the attitude of a Warrior.

The four are: vision or purpose, the need, the will, and the commitment.

Competition has the potential to make you stronger or weaker. The choice is yours to make.

In order to succeed in life, it is necessary for you to learn to be focused, determined and to never give up in the face of adversity.

These characteristics are what make you a Warrior!!!

These qualities lead to success.

I would like to thank the Miami Achievers Parent Association of the National Achievers Society for giving me the opportunity to present to the students at this important event. The students enthusiastically embraced the Warrior’s Mentality for Success and were professional, cooperative and enthusiastic in their response.

A special THANK YOU to Ms. Lauris Paige, President of the Miami Achievers Parent Association and to the support personal for their hospitality and graciousness and for their devotion and dedication in planning and directing this important event,

Congratulations for a job well done.

Dr. John Morgan

Recently I attended a seminar on Stopping Sports Injuries by Gautam P. Yagnik, M.D. Dr. Yagnik is the team physician for the NHL Miami Panther’s hockey team, and is Clinical Associate Professor of Orthopedic surgery at Florida International University.

The seminar was conducted at West Kendall Baptist Hospital, in Miami Florida, a state of the art new hospital specializing in sports injuries, advanced treatment and injury prevention.

Dr. Yagnik lectured and passed out documents informing the audience that:

30 million children and teenager’s participate in sports each year. Adult participation is almost as high. However, 3.5 million children under 14 years of age are injured each year and two million high school students are injured each year.

Football leads all sports in injuries and in 2007, 920,000 athletes under 18 were treated in emergency rooms. Injuries result from a combination of high speed body movement and full body contact at high speeds.

Basketball no longer resembles the game introduced in 1881. Today’s modern day game pace results in an estimated more than 1.6 million injuries each year.

Softball injuries among young athletes are on the rise. These injuries commonly involve the back, shoulder, forearm, wrist, and hand.

Soccer is the fastest growing team sport in America. Injuries to the lower extremities are most common due to kicks to the leg, twisting movement and/or muscle, tendon or bone injury.

Baseball injuries in young athletes are on the rise also and elbow and shoulder injuries in children are on the verge of becoming epidemic.

Be alert to the number of pitches thrown in games, insure that young athletes get rest periods between games and do not teach complicated pitches until age appropriate.

To prevent sports injuries Dr. Yagnik recommends:

Have a pre-season medical exam, health and wellness evaluation.

Be sure the athlete warms up properly, dresses weather appropriate and cools down. Pay attention to the environment, cold or hot. Hydrate adequately.

Include strength and flexibility training in the specific sports program. Maintain proper fitness for sport.

Use the 10% rule to determine rate of work increase. No more than 10% increase in mileage, weight, or demands per week. Not more than 10% increase in work.

Avoid overuse injuries. During the year take a season off between sports for rest and recovery. Do not over train.  More is not always better. Be alert to burn out.

After a period of inactivity, progress gradually back into full practice or play.

If discomfort or pain develops, discontinue play and tell a coach, athletic trainer, or parent. Teach young athletes to listen to their bodies and listen to their pain and not to ignore pain or play through pain.

Equipment should fit properly and be maintained.

Mix training protocols and fitness activities as appropriate to the sport. Cross train, and work different muscle groups to maintain balance in body strength and flexibility.

If injured remember the RICE acronym: R=rest, I= Ice, C= compression, E= elevate.

After injury return to practice or play only after clearance by a heath care professional.

Comments:  Great job by Dr. Yagnik. His style is easy going and enthusiastic. He is a gifted speaker and the audience was captivated by his presentation. The information he provided, if applied, will save your young athlete from many unnecessary and avoidable sports injuries.

Parents, I suggest that you be especially careful of your child’s health especially if your child plays in park athletic leagues, little leagues or in a sports environment where parents, teenagers or untrained individuals coach your young athlete.

Untrained individuals seem to think more is better, and toughness, ala legendary NFL Coach Vince Lombardi is necessary. Sports should be fun, and entertaining. Winning is important but too much emphasis on winning, in fun programs should be avoided or reduced.

Use sport to teach leadership, cooperation and personal skills. Teach integrity, character, truthfulness, and sportsmanship. Teach young athletes to win gracefully. Teach that losing often times makes you better and stronger if you learn from your mistakes and move yourself to corrective action.

Teach lessons in sports that are transferable to school, social activities, studies and to life’s later challenges.

Teach young athletes to attack their goals like a Warrior with power, strength and courage.  Show them how to develop the need to succeed; how to develop specific and clear goals; teach them to develop a strong will to persevere in the face of challenge and adversity; show them how to develop a commitment to move to action and to learn to attack their goals with intensity; teach them to NEVER GIVE UP.

Teach them to love, honor, care for and respect their bodies and to strive to improve their mental strength, spiritual toughness and overall health and well being.

Thank you Dr. Yagnik for a very informative seminar.

GREAT JOB!

As usual your comments are appreciated.

Dr. John Morgan, LPI

Dr. Gautam P. Yagnik may be reached at West Kendall Baptist Hospital, Medical Arts Building, 15955 SW 96 Street, Suite 201, Miami, Florida, 33196. Telephone 786 268 6200

BaptistHealth.net/orthopedicsuhzsmi.com.

www.uhzsmi.com

As part of the LPI’s continued commitment to provide you with up to date leadership strategies and effective parenting skills, I attended a seminar at Miami’s Baptist Hospital conducted by Richard P. Toister, PhD. Dr. Toister is a respected and renowned psychologists in the South Florida community and the author of the book, Clouds and Butterflies: Coping for Kids, available at www.amazon.com

Dr. Toister emphasized that parenting is based on love and relationships. He said that parents must act as leaders and in terms of leadership the mother is on the front line, followed by the dad. In today’s society stress is a big factor in children’s lives and in general, kids have gained a lot more power because parents are competing with a lot of different and conflicting influences.

He reminded parents that all your child’s behavior, whether good or bad, is designed to get your attention.  He said that parents can control the child’s environment but they cannot control a child’s “normal behavioral temperament.” That comes from the gene pool and that genes affect 40 to 50% of a child’s behavior, he added.

Dr. Toister explained that children are born with certain temperament clusters, which he described as:

The “easy” child, which comprises 40%

The “slow to warm up” child: 15%

The “difficult” child: 10%.

Notice these percentages do not add up to 100% because children usually have more than one temperament cluster.

One of the Child Management Strategies that Dr. Toister outlined is the proper use of TIME OUTS. These reprimands should be age and misbehavior appropriate and a good standard is one minute per child’s age. An example is, two minutes for a two-year old child, three minutes for a three-year old child, etc.

The important issue to remember is that after the completion of the time out period the correct or appropriate behavior should be taught, practiced and re-enforced before the child is allowed back into the home, school or play environment.

To improve compliance with family rules or standards the child should repeat out loud the behavior expected. Should the child not understand or be unwilling to comply the parent should calmly but firmly (but definitely not harshly) repeat the behavior expected until understanding and compliance is achieved. The parents should encourage and praise compliance but not discuss or negotiate with the child until compliance is achieved.

Similar to what we teach at the LPI, Dr. Toister stated that parents must role model the behavior they desire. Children begin to imitate their parents early and the sooner parents understand that their behavior is being watched closely and copied…the better.

Parents must keep cool. Speak softly. Be patient and persistent and lead the child to successful conclusion.

Please, download the six guides and a test to help determine your child’s personality type and determine if your parenting style is appropriate and effectively matched to your child’s.

We highly recommend downloading the files. He covered a wealth of information in his discussion too lengthy for inclusion here.  As a service, we have provided the information for you here as downloads for free.

Dr. Toister’s handouts are attached at the end of this article.

COMMENTS: Quote From Rick Morgan’s Book, The Youth Sports Leadership Development Manual: (available at www.amazon.com or at www.TheLPI.Com)

“To become a leader, you should role model leadership characteristics to your students or family. Walk the walk, show the way, get out front, go and do, and do it with enthusiasm. Your goal is to have your students want to be just like you, somebody special. Teaching the students leadership principles becomes a whole lot easier when you role model leadership qualities in your daily life.”

“The most powerful lessons your children/students learn are the ones they learn from watching you. Therefore, lead by example. Leadership is being out front, showing the way, teaching others. Live the principles you teach. Set high standards and be certain that you meet the standards you set. When setting standards for your children/students, be certain that you have a plan in place to help your children/students meet those standards. Your job is always to help your children/students meet the standards you set for them.”

THANK YOU DR.TOISTER for a spirited and fun seminar. The parents in attendance enthusiastically embraced your message and I am sure will benefit from your presentation.

Dr.Toister may be reached at:

7400 N. Kendall Drive, Suite 212

Miami, Florida, 33156

305 670 9737

Don’t forget leave a comment and tell us what you think.

If you liked this post sign up for the newsletter or RSS feed below so you don’t miss out.

Dr. John Morgan, LPI.

Effective Parent Handouts

Thomas George a national columnist for www.FanHouse.com writes about what every NFL coach (everyday career oriented parent) ponders.  That is if his dual role as a parent and coach is being balanced.

George writes, “Joe Gibbs has spoken often about this. About how his tenure as Washington Redskins coach beginning in the 1980s and how he sacrificed his relationships with his sons J.D. and Coy. Gibbs jumped into racing with both and even back into coaching just to assist Coy in gaining his requested taste of the profession. Gibbs has said that the rest of his life will be spent making up for time lost with his sons.”

About Andy Reid George says, “the Philadelphia Eagles‘ coach, in 2007 confronted the harsh reality of a coach pried from his sons when Garrett and Britt were both charged in automobile and drug incidents that resulted in both behind bars. Reid took time away from the Eagles to help heal his sons’ and his family’s scars. He said the experience helped him to see the merit in giving quarterback Michael Vick a second chance.”

But there is more trouble, George continues, “And there is the 2005 tragic story of Tony Dungy‘s son, Jamie, who at age 18 committed suicide. Dungy has used his faith to seek understanding and acceptance in such a loss where often little of either can be found.

On Thursday, former NFL coach Denny Green celebrates his 62 birthday. This former Minnesota Vikings and Arizona Cardinals coach who currently guides the UFL’s Sacramento Mountain Lions will do so with a heavy heart. His son, Jeremy, pleaded guilty last week to one count of possession of child pornography. He is expected to receive a 20-year prison term, suspended after five years, followed by 10 years’ probation.”

George quotes Coach Green as saying “You can take a wrong turn in life, you can lose your way. This is what happened. He’s 39 years old. He had a lot of things go the right way for him. But he lost his way.’”

George reports that, “NFL Coaches’ Mike Shanahan and Lovie Smith and many others – employ their sons on their coaching staffs, as a way to provide them with peace. A way to fulfill their sons’ coaching itch. A way to master the challenge of coach/dad. Many call it nepotism.”
“Those involved call it a dad’s duty.”

My Comments: Certainly the stories of these famous football coach’s and their family troubles are heart wrenching. Should we ask, are these issues solely the sins of the son? Not having all the information we should not judge but simply be alert that pride and ambition, have the potential to dominate life in a manner that balance or stability in other aspects of life is often lost. While I am not suggesting that this occurred to these coaches sadly this does occur in life.

Every day we read or hear about sixty or seventy-year-old executives saying they are retiring to spend more time with the family. Do you think family members or grown children have a right to ask, “Where were you when we were growing up and needed you?”

You decide.

Years ago a young athlete told me that he had played in over 100 baseball games and that his father, a famous attorney, had never come to see him play. When I suggested that he “cut his dad some slack,” his response was neither repeatable nor printable. Sadly the father does not know how he failed his son.

Read the whole article here:

http://nfl.fanhouse.com/2011/02/15/denny-green-loves-his-son-despite-troubles/

Please utilize these tragic stories as a time for reflection.

As usual your thoughtful comments are appreciated.

Dr. John Morgan

Recently I attended a seminar on bullying conducted by the Melissa Institute for Violence Prevention and Treatment through literacy. The Melissa Institute’s mission is to educate, serve, research and consult to improve school safety. According to their research, a major predictor of violence is related to literacy. Up to 80% of juvenile offenders are functionally illiterate. However, when a child can read by grade level three, he or she rarely gets into trouble with the law. Thus, the Melissa Institute embarked on a major campaign to bring proven and innovative teaching methods to elementary classrooms, administrators and teachers.

The Melissa Institute is named and established by the Aptman Family in memory of Melissa Aptman who was the victim of a preventable tragedy, a carjacking with fatal consequences.

The speaker at the seminar was Trish Ramsey, M.A., Educational Director. The following is a summation of Ms. Ramsey’s presentation and is based on the research by The Melissa Institute.

DEFINITION: Bullying is a relationship problem in which power and aggression are used to cause distress to a vulnerable person. It is negative physical or verbal abuse with hostile intent. It causes distress to victims and when repeated over time creates subordination between bully and the victim.  Bullies prey on others that cannot or will not defend themselves. Bullying tends to peak during middle schools, especially the first year of transition to a larger school (grades 5 through 8 )

TYPES of BULLYING:

Direct (Face to Face)

• Verbal
• Physical
• Psychological

Indirect (relationship aggression or social bullying)

• Gossiping
• Social Aggression
• Leaving out or exclusion

Cyber-Bullying (use of electric technology)

• Emails or internet messages
• Websites that ridicule others
• Sharing unflattering pictures and posting them on the net
• Stealing passwords and sending messages to others
• Tricking someone to share personal information then forwarding others
• Using cell phones to send derogatory, threatening or harassing messages.

*For more info see the following sites on Cyber-Bullying.

www.isafe.org

www.cyberbully.org

The proportion of children who use physical abuse decreases with age. The number of children who use verbal and indirect forms of aggression increases during childhood and early adolescence.                 

BULLYING CHARACTERISTICS DIFFER BETWEEN BOYS AND GIRLS:

Boys generally are more aggressive than females. Boys have been found to bully 5.2 episodes per hour and girls at a rate of 2.7 episodes hourly.

Boys are more likely to physically fight but 24% of girls reported they had a physical fight the previous year.

Boys are more likely to be physically bullied while girls are more likely to be verbally and/or psychologically bullied.

Girls tend to use indirect aggression involving hostile acts of gossiping, manipulation and isolation.

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW:

On elementary school grounds students are involved in bullying every 7 minutes.

Bullying tends to peak during the first year of middle school. It generally decreases with age.

Bullying increases when students make transition to middle school and high school where the issue of establishing social status is important.

It is estimated that 15%to 20% of students will encounter bulling.

Parents are generally unaware of bullying and victimization problems.

There are long-term applications to bullying to include:

• Childhood bullying can lead to sexual harassment, aggression in dating, spousal abuse,

parenting issues (children of bully’s often bully)

• Two- thirds of school shooters felt bullied, harassed or threatened by fellow students

and in some cases instructors.

CHARACTERISTICS OF VICTIMS:

Students who are victimized by others tend to be: cautious, sensitive, quiet, withdrawn, shy, anxious, insecure, unhappy and have low self-esteem.

Gay, lesbian, and trans-gender students are often victimized.

SIGNS OF BULLYING:

Losing objects without explanation, unexplained cuts bruises scratches, torn or dirty clothing, needs extra money, need extra treats in school lunch box, hungry after lunch when lunch is extorted, reluctance to go to school, loss of interest in school, headaches, stomach aches, difficulty sleeping, significant change in mood, has few friends.

PARENTS YOU MUST BE INVOLVED:

• Discuss school rules.
• Set appropriate rules at home.
• LISTEN TO YOUR CHILD!
• Know what is going on at your child’s school. Keep a calendar of events.
• Set up a daily time to check in with your child.
• Be involved in your child’s school life.
• Encourage your child to take part in school and community activities.
• Attend school functions and parent conferences.
• Volunteer at school.
• Make a commitment to remain in touch with your child’s teacher, principal, coach and school administrators.
• Be a partner in the education of your child. Your involvement is critical.

HOW CAN YOUR STUDENT HELP STOP BULLYING:

• Recognize when bullying takes place.
• Talk to the student who is bullying. Label the behavior as bullying and tell the student to stop.
• Stand up to the bully.
• Be an ally to the person being bullied.
• Invite the person being bullied into your group.
• BELIEVE THAT TELLING AN ADULT IS NOT A FORM OF TATTLING OR RATTING. TELLING IS REPORTING TO GET SOMEONE OUT OF TROUBLE. IT IS NOT THE SAME AS TATTLING OR RATTING WHICH IS DESIGNED TO GET SOMEONE INTO TROUBLE.

COMMENTS: The Melissa Institute is doing exceptionally important work. Parents your responsibility is to be involved in your child’s life and understand the complicated and sophisticated world of your child. At the LPI we teach you to lead. Well then, be out front of this important issue. Remember leaders influence other people, their actions, or outcomes. Leaders direct positive change, solve problems, and achieve goals. Leaders act as guides.

To quote from LPI founder Rick Morgan’s book, The Youth Sports Leadership Development Manual,

“Become an educational leader, bonding, leading and inspiring your students, not an average parent waiting for the education system to do its job for you.”

“Being a leader and a role model and bonding with your student, is an excellent way to teach your student character traits that will last a lifetime. Get to work.”

Parents, teachers, coaches and mentors become role models, and leaders. Teach your students’ the proper character traits and leadership skills and role model these traits and skills at home and school. Be the type of person, a hero, that your child or student wants to emulate. You do not want your child be a bully (read coward) or to be bullied.

Kudos to Ms. Ramsey for an excellent presentation and to the Melissa Institute for their important work.

As usual your thoughtful comments are encouraged either here at the blog or on the forum.

Dr. John Morgan

The Melissa Institute Contact Information:

Please make donations to THE MELISSA INSTITUTE, 6250 Sunset Drive, Suite 204, Miami, Florida, 33143.

Email: info@MelissaInstitute.org

Websites: www.melissaInstitute.org

www.Teachasafeschool.org

Other information: Ms. Trish Ramsey, MA, Educational Director. Telephone: 786-662-5210, Fax: 786-662-5211.

Recently I attended a seminar on Internet Safety and Your Child, presented by Sergeant Joseph Bermudez, Miami Dade Police Department, Supervisor, Crime Prevention Squad. Sergeant Bermudez formerly served in the US Army and is an 18 year veteran of the police department.

Sergeant Bermudez is a personable and dynamic speaker and presented the material in a non-technical manner to help unsophisticated adults understand the dangers of the Internet. This presentation was for parents only, although he does provide workshops for students.

Sergeant Bermudez said that the Internet can be a “valuable tool for your child and student and it has many benefits.”  As most people know, you child may utilize: search engines, Web sites, Chat Rooms, E-Mail, News groups, forums, bulletin boards, and instant messaging to quickly gain access to information they may need. The Internet can be a valuable tool to help students explore interests, meet other people and share information at their fingertips.

But the Internet can also be dangerous! Your student may encounter: sexual material, sexual predators, alcohol and drug sales, gambling sites, bullying, violence, hate and intolerance directed at them and others.

Sergeant Bermudez said that these dangers are prevalent on the Internet because:

• There is anonymity on the net — Both sides are not identified.
• Kids feel safe. It is easy to initiate contact. Kids believe they are chatting with other kids.
• Predators have a vast number of children as potential victims. (The Internet has billions of users.)
• Predators are sophisticated and smart. It is easy to gather information from and about your youth.
• It is easy to lure and victimize your kid through common interests.
• The Internet is free.

Sergeant Bermudez listed the profile of a “perfect victim” for predators.

Please read the list carefully. Determine the number of risk factors your child may possess.

The top risk factors are:

• Age 11 to 14.
• Little or no parent involvement or supervision.
• No definite bed time. The child is on the Internet frequently after hours.
• No family rules. Parent can be away from home leaving a child without accountability or supervision.
• Student has exclusive use of a computer in private setting.

Predators use a calculated process

Make no mistakes about it sexual predators are smart and sophisticated in their luring practices. If your child is unaware of the process they are potential prey. Predators go through a calculated process to lure your sons and daughters.

Predators start with a “Grooming process.” This is a systematic process to flirt, be cute and lurk. The purpose is to gain an opportunity to send porn and watch for the child’s reaction. If this first step is taken without strong objection the next step is to move the student to a private chat room. When alone in the chat room a deliberate process of information gathering is started mixed with pictures or subtle discussion of explicit sexual material.

The next step is “repeated contact.” Effort is made to get the child’s telephone number or personal contact information. Contact then becomes sexually explicit. From this point forward a strong effort is made to contact the child and establish control over the minor.

Step Three: The predator attempts to arrange a meeting in a place that appears public but is not. (a mall parking lot, a public park, a library, etc.) The predator attempts to play on the child’s weakness, and make the child feel comfortable. The victim is lead to believe that the meeting is private, safe and confidential but the intent of the predator is sexual battery.

Not a pretty scenario is it!

Parental Supervision is the key!

Parents must “parent.” Be there for your children. Share your values, set rules and standards and have open discussions. Teach your kids to look critically at their own Internet activity and to use a keen eye for their safety and protection. Establish time limits. You can justify limits by the any means necessary. Try to get your kids to stop using the phrase, “It doesn’t matter.” Everything matters. This matters.

Follow the following safety tips.

Place your child’s computer in a central location in the home. Learn about the people who (and why) your children maybe communicating with. Become familiar with search engines, browsers and software used by your kids. Know how to review search history and when and where history was deleted.

Do not rely on a system, software or other people to filter information your child sees or comes into contact with. Be proactive when protecting your kids. Advise your children that if they are sexually solicited to tell you, and you promise not to freak out. Then don’t freak out.

Be aware of computer restrictions or lack thereof at other locations: school, library, friend’s homes, cell phones, I-Pods, etc. If your son or daughter says parents will be at their friend’s home…check. Go over. Yes it is alright.

LOOK FOR WARNING SIGNS LIKE A CHANGE IN YOUR STUDENT’S BEHAVIOR.

Your student’s personal security and safety is a MUST.

Tell your child never to:

• Give our personal information over the Internet. Never arrange personal meetings, especially alone.
• Never respond to offensive or explicit sexual messages.
• Teach them to report any message that is sexual or harassing in nature.

Suggestions for parents, teachers, and mentors.

Use parental controls on all software, computers and browsers.  Set up bookmarks. Review your student’s history or logs. Search beyond his home page. Check their use of public computers. Use computers together with your child.

To start:

Learn the Top 20 Internet acronyms every parent needs to know. They are listed below for your convenience. To you, your child may be communicating in a new and foreign language, it is necessary to learn the language if you are to monitor their behavior. You might be shocked to learn what some of the acronyms mean.

Top 20 Internet Acronyms Every Parent Needs to Know:

POS – Parent Over Shoulder

PIR – Parent In Room

P911 –Parent Alert

PAW—Parents Are Watching

PAL – Parents Are Listening

ASL – Age/Sex/Location

MorF –Male or Female

SorG – Straight or Gay

LMIRL – Lets Meet in Real Life

KPC – Keeping Parents Clueless

TDTM – Talk Dirty To Me

IWSN – I Want Sex Now
NIFOC – Nude In Front Of Computer
GYPO – Get Your Pants Off
ADR or addy — Address

WYCM – Will You Call Me
KFY – Kiss For You
MOOS –Member(s) Of the Opposite Sex

MOSS or MOTSS – Member(s) Of the Same Sex

NALOPKT – Not A Lot Of People Know That

Teen-Favored Acronyms:

A/S/L – Age, Sex, Location

BF/GF – Boyfriend, Girlfriend

BRB – Be Right Back

CD9—Code 9, means parents around

GNOC – Get Naked on Cam (Webcam)

G2G – Got to go

IDK – I Don’t Know

(L)MIRL – (Lets) Meet in Real Life

LOL – Laugh out Loud

MorF –Male or Female

MOS – Mom Over Shoulder

NIFOC — Nude In Front Of Computer

NooB – Often an insult to somebody who doesn’t know much about something

NMU – Not Much, You?

P911 – Parent Emergency

PAW—Parents Are Watching

PIR – Parent In Room

POS – Parent Over Shoulder

PRON – Porn

PRW – Parents are watching

S2R – Send to receive (pictures)

TDTM – Talk Dirty To Me

Warez – Pirated software

W/E — Whatever

Read the following Internet Safety Resource list provided by the Miami-Dade Police Department Crime Prevention Squad. The web sites for Data mining are an asset to determine the locations on the internet your student visits.

Internet Safety Hardware is designed to limit your student’s access to certain web sites. Remember however that your kids probably have access to many other computers and cell phones.

Websites for Online Safety

• www.netsmartz.org
• www.isafe.org
• www.necmec.org
• www.cybertipline.com
• www.bytecrime.org
• www.childrenseducationalnetwork.com

Websites for Data Mining

• www.google.com
• www.ask.com
• www.yahoo.com
• www.msn.com
• www.alltheweb.com
• www.facebook.com
• www.myspace.com

Internet Safety Software

• Spector Pro
• Netnanny
• CYBERsitter
• CyberPatrol
• Cyber Snoop
• Cyber Sentinel
• SafeKeeper
• Child Safe

Cyber Crimes Toll-Free Tip Line

1800-843-5678

Contact Information: Sergeant Joseph Bermudez — Miami-Dade Police Department—Community and Intergovernmental Affairs Bureau Crime Prevention Squad –9105 NW 25^th Street, Rm 1044 Doral, FL 33172 – 305-471-1745

Email: JBermudez@mdpd.com

The service provided by Sergeant Bermudez is must see material by every parent. My experience is that the Internet is a cesspool of miss-information, half truths and downright lies. I ask you, how many emails do you check to determine if the information you receive is accurate or factual.  I verify my e-mails and almost 80% of forwarded e-mail I receive are not true, nor accurate, nor useful. In fact most are garbage and a waste of time.

I use www.Snopes.com, www.TruthorFiction.com and www.FactCheck.com to verify the information in the emails I receive. You might try these yourself before you forward mail.

The Internet can be an exiting tool to help your child achieve but it can also be is a dangerous place for our kids. Sergeant Bermudez has taught us how dangerous it can be and what can be done to protect our kids.

Parents your job is to parent. This means to lead, be out front, pre-empting problems and issues. Parents are the CEO’s of the family. Do everything you can to protect and defend your kids. If necessary prohibit your kid from the internet for a period of time. This will get their attention and show them that you mean business.

Please do not mistake being a “nice parent” for being an “effective parent.

Take the necessary hard steps to protect your child.

Be a Parent!

Your thoughtful comments as usual are appreciated.

Dr. John Morgan

Several days ago I attended a seminar at Baptist Hospital, Miami, Florida. The workshop, entitled Raising Boys, was conducted by Gary X. Lancelotta PhD. and is part of the Parenting Educational Series.  Dr. Lancelotta was presenting on behalf of and represents the Child Psychology Associates of Miami.

Dr. Lancelotta is a charismatic speaker with a warm and caring demeanor. He kept the audience captivated by telling personal stories about raising his own son and also about his own upbringing.  He was raised in a dynamic family with a brother and five sisters. As you can imagine his stories were both funny and enlightening.

Among the many important child raising tips and boy specific strategies he discussed and the most important for parents to remember included:

• There is no one-way to parent.
• Be consistent, set structure and establish a foundation of accepted conduct.
• Boys need male role models.
• Single woman parents need to find a positive male role model for their boys.
• Parents are powerful influences on their children.
• Becoming a “real man” is about developing character.

In his discussion on raising boys, Dr Lancelotta said parents should stand for: values, standards, and rules, and then parents should monitor and impose limits.

Values: Kids need to now where parents stand on all types of media. To include, TV, video game violence, computer activities, Texting, Cell-phone use, etc.

Set Standards and Rules: Tell your child who is and what types of activities are allowed in your home.

Monitor and Check on your kids: Their friends, activities, games, video activities, use of electronic devices. Yes, it is your job. No you are not spying…you are parenting.

Set limits:

• Teach your kids the importance of delayed gratification.
• Teach your kids how to handle disappointments, frustration and anger.
• Teach your kids that there are costs and consequences to their activities. Yes, what they do matters.

Parents should not be afraid to get evolved in societal or tough issues:

• Sex education.
• Your child’s friends.
• Talk to your children and talk to their friends.

Parents should set up a positive home environment to:

• Counteract the negative forces of violence in, TV, films, video games, sports, society, etc.

The bottom line is parents need to understand and monitor the influence that the entertainment media has on their boys behavior to include unhealthy stereotypical behavior, violence, disrespect for woman and girls, aggression in sports, and the media’s role in forming cultural attitudes.

Dr. Lancelotta warned that a new phenomenon is being seen in children called “screen or media (video) addiction” and for parent’s to be watchful.

He recommends the following for parent resources:

Books:

Raising Boys, by Steve Biddulph, www.tenspeed.com

Raising Confident Boys, by Elizabeth Hartley-Brewer, www.dacapopress.com

The Everything Parent’s Guide to Raising Boys, by Cheryl L. Erwin, www.adamsmedia.com

Websites and Videos:

www.allinfoaboutraisingboys.com

Tough Guise / Media Education Foundation www.mediaed.org

Raising Cain: Exploring the Inner Lives of America’s Boys / PBS Home Video  www.pbs.org

An extensive annotated bibliography is available from MediaScope.

Dr. Lancelotta’s seminar was sponsored by a very prestigious teaching hospital and I can see why. His presentation was excellent, and the information important and timely. Contact information for Dr. Gary X. Lancelotta is below.

Dr. Gary X. Lancelotta

7301 SW 57 Ct, Suite 555,

South Miami, Florida, 33143

305 668 7988

GXLancelot@aol.com

Your thoughtful comments about raising boys and girls, as always are appreciated.

Dr. John Morgan

Socrates said “It is not living that matters, but living rightly.”

Miami Dolphin middle linebacker Zach Thomas retired today. He was a self described “slow, too short guy from a small town in Texas.”  But he was great guy, loved to play football and all he needed was a chance.

What did he accomplish with that chance? He earned seven Pro Bowl selections; five times he made the All-pro first team. For ten seasons he led the Dolphin defense in tackles; he was the team MVP twice and won the team’s leadership award three times.

Greg Cote of the Miami Herald said, “It takes more than talent, to make you a thoroughly respected, admired and even beloved figure with fans. Thomas is all of that plus more.”

In the beginning, Thomas, who was drafted late in the fifth round out of Texas Tech, had anxiety about not making the team. It was partly the insecurities that made him the player he was.  He constantly had to “out work” and “out want” the other guys that were bigger, faster and more naturally gifted.

Thomas said in his retirement speech that he cherished every moment he played. Even when he was sore and tired he resisted the mentality of wishing that he wasn’t playing football.  He said “he kept reminding himself of the many people that would have gladly changed places with him.”

Congratulations and best wishes to Zach Thomas and his family.  Greg Cote said it best, “He was the little guy who could, the embodiment of the blue collar man who came to work with a lunch pale and a hammer and built himself a career on effort and sweat.”

Pundits are already saying that Zach Thomas may not make it into the NFL Football Hall of Fame. But in twelve outstanding years with the Dolphins (fourteen total in the NFL) he never once embarrassed the team. His record on and off the field was clean. He is a role model to thousands men, women, kids and to all who know him.

When he was asked about his future and the hall of fame, he laughed and said that he will pour his time and energy into being a better “family man, husband and father” and then pointed to his family.

In five years sportswriters will have a chance to select a great player, and a good man, Zach Thomas, into the Football Hall of Fame. Maybe, five years from now, a player who possesses character, integrity, honor and respectability as well as football talent may be welcomed into Canton.

Maybe not, maybe nothing will change, and we will still be talking about the same story we all know too well.

Your comments are always welcome.

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Dr. John Morgan

The NFL needs a real, visionary leader.  It needs a leader that will make decisions, solve problems and show the way. Someone that will get out front, motivate and inspire people to achieve tasks and goals they normally would not achieve.

Yes, the NFL has a conduct problem. Yes, this type of personal behavior modification is difficult.  But, leaders are not afraid of difficult challenges. They are not afraid of changing the mindset of a person, organization or an entire league.

Leaders pre-empt problems, and as you said Commissioner Goodell is reacting to a problem.  Let me come to the defense of Commissioner Goodell and the NFL and offer a simple solution.

There are several factors that make his job, and a fair and balanced solution extremely difficult. Because many athletes come from socio-economic, culturally disenfranchised neighborhoods. Often professional sports represent their only chance at economic success.

Sports executives and coaches are fearful of establishing standards that might seem to the under privileged sports fan, or to the political or social ideologue as too harsh, or restrictive.

However, behavioral problems start in High School or earlier.  When athletes begin to show their talent they are spoiled, cuddled and develop a false sense of entitlement and infallibility. If and when they get to College the situation may be worse.

Sports programs are about winning and college coaches and university administrators go to great lengths to protect their star players. Developing their character and integrity are taking a backseat to developing their 40-yard dash speed or their bench press.

Therefore, if drafting a quality person as well as an athletes is really the goal of professional sports, then standards of conduct and behavior must be established in order and before athletes qualify for the draft.

For instance

• Set a policy that players must qualify for the NFL draft.

For example: To qualify, college athletes must not have a criminal record, be drug free, and behavioral problem free for 3 years prior to the draft. If college players violate the rule they are restricted from the draft for 3 years.

The idea is to draft quality college players with character and integrity.

When college players understand that they must meet those standards to be drafted they will work hard to meet those standards, just like they work on speed, conditioning and strength drills.

• Troubled players, with criminal backgrounds or troubled pasts that fail to qualify for the draft, must then demonstrate a subsequent 3 year history of trouble free conduct before they qualify.

The goal would be to give athletes the opportunity to demonstrate that their behavior has improved and was now up to standards.

Promises that their behavior will improve will not meet standards.

For instance the NFL might say to a questionable player, go play in the Canadian Football League, demonstrate that you can stay drug and trouble free for 3 years and then you might qualify for the big time. In other words prove to us by your behavior, and your adherence to high standards that you deserve to be in the big league with other outstanding players.

• Active NFL players will and should have a comprehensive code of conduct with stringent penalties for non-compliance.

Whether they like it or not, these athletes are role models to young people, especially to those young people without a support system or role model at home, school or church.

It is also difficult for the average parent, teacher, coach or mentor to compete with a Porsche driving, “bling” wearing, partying, undisciplined, high profile athlete who seems to be on the top of the world when the rest of us are square.

By the way, lets watch the Tim Tebow story play out. The Denver Broncos drafted him in the first round. We should respect the young man for trying to live a life of high standards and good conduct. We should not make fun of him, nor attack him or his family and then wait with anticipation for him to fail in some way. Nor should we respond with glee if he does.

Dr. John Morgan

Jerry Brainum, in the April 2010 IRONMAN Magazine writes about Anabolic Steroids and the Skin, a troubling issue for teens and bound to get your and their attention. Mr. Brainum is an exercise and nutrition researcher and has been a respected sports journalist for more than 25 years.

Mr. Brainum writes that medical research and literature points to medical abnormalities such as liver and cardiovascular problems in athletes that use anabolic steroids. But the more common problems, and the ones that are bound to get yours and your teens attention are: Premature male pattern baldness in men and woman, excessive stretch marks, and severe acne.

Less hair on top, weird body hair and more zits, yikes! Just what your teen wants!

Bald and bad skin is a bad combo for me, not to mention a teen.

In a study of power lifters cited by Mr. Brainum:

• 53% had acne
• 47% had increased body hair
• 27% had a higher incidence of oily skin
• 20% had a loss of scalp hair

Worse, the type of steroid related acne does not always respond to routine medical treatment if athletes continue to utilize steroids. Steroids can also worsen skin pathologies.

The stretch marks associated with steroid use, usually show up in the neck, chest, shoulders and upper arms.  This is also not good for teens that fixate on their looks.

Teens and other athletes that inject steroids under less than sterile conditions can often get bacterial and sterile abscesses, particularly in the gluteus (the rear end) the study said.

My comments: Sports pharmacology is serious business conducted by an underground community of unscrupulous coaches, trainers, authors, competitors, medical doctors, drug dealers, and self-proclaimed experts. Additionally, your teenager will probably buy some form of crap that may have no relation to steroids, from some “self-proclaimed expert” (read: uneducated, high school drop out, gang-banger, gym-rat, sleaze bag)

Furthermore, rampant steroid abuse has given rise to an industry to mask the evidence of steroids.   A whole industry was built just to fool the drug tests.  This means your teen athlete, who by the way knows about this shady underground industry, will need to take more drugs to hide the evidence of steroids in his (her) blood. Not good.

Well, how do you fix the problem?
How do you recognize steroid use or abuse?
What can you do to protect your teen?
How do you talk to your ambitious teen athlete?

Gather information:

Start by monitoring your teen’s physical condition for rapid strength or size changes and watch for aggressive mood swings. Twenty pounds of weight gain over a summer may not be a troubling sign.  But, when mixed with explosive acne or hair loss along with the symptoms listed above may be an indication of steroid use.  Years ago a teenage family friend blew up to 290lbs. Yes, 290 lbs. He suffered from mood swings and body image issues. Today as a successful executive he still has trouble controlling his weight.

Learn more:

Check out your teen’s sport, their coaches, and the goals of the athletic program.

Check to determine if the sport they are playing has prevalent steroid use. You would be surprised at the sports that have rampant doping and drug use.  There are rumors that steroids have tarnished golf’s most honored and respected winner. Yes even golf. Ever heard of blood doping? You better believe your teen has! Ask them.

It is also a good idea to pay close attention to the philosophy of the school athletic program or team your teen plays on.  Especially be watchful of an over ambitious coaching staff. Visit the team weight room or practice unannounced and just observe.

It would be good to determine if the sport they engage in is subject to drug testing and learn the drug policies of the school, conference and/or the state sports governing organization. As a parent YOU should know the legal consequences or suspension (or banning) practices for engaging in steroids, even if your teen does not. Remember steroids are a controlled substance and as such are against the law.

Talk to a medical doctor that specializes in sports medicine. The doctor should provide you with information. Search the web or visit your local library. The effort in research and planning is worth your time. The more you know about steroids the easier it becomes to open a meaningful dislodge with your teen.

But how do you combat or even begin to discuss a problem when your teen might be in, or is in, the “stupid, stubborn, arrogant, know-it-all,” time of life and has a hard time listening to rational thought, especially from “uncool” parents?

Try a guided discussion:

Engage your teen in subtle guided discussions about competition, cheating, and steroids.

Subtle guided discussions are a counseling tool for you to use to seek information, engage in thoughtful discussion and to lead your teen to introspected thought and hopefully to honorable conclusions.

Engage your teen in subtle guided discussions about the dangers of steroid use. Do not lecture or preach but try to make the conversation fun. Try to determine your teen’s competitive need to succeed or win in the sport. Try to determine if your teen would do anything or everything (even cheat) to win.

Ask non-threatening questions about your teens training routine such as the amount of time spent in the weight room and the specific diet/supplementation requirements of their sport. Learn about their sport and their heroes by name. Learn what is required in training time to become a champion. Show a genuine interest in their sport and their life.

Discuss sports heroes that were caught cheating with steroids (especially in their sport) and ask their opinion.

Questions such as: “Mark McGuire is trying to rehabilitate his image and is coming back to baseball, what do you think of that?”  Then perhaps, “McGuire is really paying a hefty price for his indiscretion, do you think that is fair?” “Was his fame worth the public humiliation?”  “Do you think he should get in the Baseball Hall of Fame?”

Try to spend most of your time listening to the responses.

Your teen probably will not listen to important medical information you provide about the dangers of steroids unless you are very subtle in your approach. Instead, talk about baldness and facial scaring from acne; that might get their attention. Always remain cool and in charge of your demeanor and thus the discussion. If your teen does not wish to engage in the conversation, subtly move to another.

Invite their attention to articles like the one written by Mr. Brainum and other reputable experts. Ask them to explain the issues importance or lack of.  Do not debate or argue with their comments. These are subtle guided discussions remember…not arguments. Be a good leader and be a parent your teen can talk to. Yes even about steroids.

Talk to and observe your teen’s friends:

Learn as much as you can about your teen’s life, their interests, music, video games, x-box stuff, clothes, bad teachers, gangs or bullies, just as you would learn about your best friend. You can learn a lot by quietly observing and listening to their friends. Even try to engage in their sport. For instance, you might be surprised at the skill and practice skate boarding or other X-sports require. When you speak to your teen’s friends ALWAYS do so in a friendly non-threatening manner. Show that you care and have an interest in their problems and their future. Remember do not lecture.

Worst case scenario:

If you suspect that your teen is using anabolic steroids and he (she) will not quit, have him (her) monitored by the family physician. Not the best solution, we agree but at least it keeps you and your teen in the health loop. It might save your teens hair and prevent severe acne scars that remain for life. It also might keep your teen from being banned from the sport for life or worse…going to jail. Remember too, that steroids are expensive so your teen may become a “pusher” to afford the drugs, Dealers get long jail sentences.

Everything in life has a price.

Your thoughtful comments or your horror stories are appreciated.

Dr. John Morgan